Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Stars in the dark

Maybe things are never as bad or as scary as imagined.

Going into the 2nd week of placement at Taiping Zoo. Even though it's not a bed of roses, it's not as intimidated as I thought, even if alone. Guess I am kind of lucky because it so happened that there are two other local students doing their internship at the zoo too. Hence, I have two unexpected companies. Better yet, they are two nice and friendly youngsters. Plus the veterinary officer, Dr. R who is funny and sneaky at times.

Yes, getting used to working in a government workplace is not easy. As Dr R said, working with the government will make a lazy person lazier and a hardworking person lazy. Sad truth. I wouldn't say I am a diligent person but when it comes to work, I rather have loads of work to do and complain about being tired than having nothing to do and feel so bored I can go nuts. The first few days during the long "nothing-to-do" hours, it felt like a waste of time. But now, with a slight change of perspective, the do-nothing time is spent reading reference books, touring around the zoo, or just take a break and have a chat. Although I'd still rather have something to do most of the time, coming to accept the way just how things work there makes me feel less imbalanced. Well, if anything, at least I know that this is not the kind of life I'm looking for in the future.

Learning what not to do is also a way of learning.

Initially, when bombarded with the many sarcastic criticisms about the director and his zero zoo management strategy, it didn't feel all that good. First, I haven't really got to know the director in person and it's all words from only one person. Second, I dislike people talking behind the back, more so when it's about somebody's wrongdoings. However, there are solid proofs that I can see with my own eyes, how some enclosures are built, how non-sensible some designs are, and how some animals are treated poorly when it could have been better. I guess it's frustration that Dr. R is trying to express, the frustration of not having the ability to do the right things even if he actually knows exactly what to do. The frustration of having a superior whose ego is so strong he refuses to take advice or admits faults. There are moments when two extreme opposing ideas have crossed my mind, (1) Just give up on the zoo it's hopeless (2) Restructure and get the most out of what the zoo has to offer, albeit with a lot of time and effort. I am thinking, maybe, this is what Dr. R has been going through for the past few years and that explains all the non-satisfaction he has with the zoo. Well, if anything, at least I know what not to do if I ever runs a zoo.

Everything is an experience.

Good or bad, everything in life is an experience and with every exposure to something new, we equip ourselves with a new reference for the future. Well, hopefully.
Good or bad, hang in there and find the tiniest joy in the things that you are stuck doing with at the moment for it will still be a part of your experience, like it or not.

It's a process.

We might not know yet where we will be in the future but the things that we see and experience now will guide us to where we want to be in due time. That's what I believe. I might not have a step-by-step plan laid out ahead of me, but I shall find out soon. Or maybe a plan is just too constricting for a nomad like me.

Little surprises along the way.

The unexpected Christmas break and the unexpected meeting with John reminds me that good things happen when we least expect it to.


You don't mess with me, life.
  Life keeps on unfolding.


Getting better,
Yan

Saturday, December 26, 2015

Merry Christmas

有时不是睡不着,而是不想睡。

今晚和May Tze和John Ong意外的聊了很多比表面更深一点的话题。那些关于未来的,关于想法的,关于内心的…原来要认识一个人真的不只是表面上而已。因为事实是,表面上大家看起来都很好,但也许我们内心深处都有一些疑惑和探索。对自己的疑惑…对自己的探索。

我在想,如何和自己生活一辈子也是一门学问。

今年的圣诞,有白痴的回忆,有没脸见人的回忆,也有难忘的回忆。

谢谢你,May tze。
也谢谢你,John Ong。

Merry Christmas.



Ka Yan



Monday, December 7, 2015

My Days at Winjallok Farm [T&G Simpson]

Date: 23 Nov 2015 - 4 Dec 2015

Venue: Winjallok Farm/ T&G Simpson -- the place where you have to hunt for phone signal out in the mountain.

The blue sky and wide open space... and the awesome sheep formation.
It all started with me feeling a bit intimidated for having to be in a new place with people I have never met before for two weeks due to our placement. The only comfort I could find was that I had a friend with me. Never could I have imagined that I would feel sad when it was time to leave on that sunny hot Friday afternoon.

Jesslyn, the friend that can never be waken by her alarm
and who complains but put up with me keeping the lights on at night. =P 
You gave us both a big hug in Scotdales because you said you will be too shy to hug us back in your house. I pretended like I was busy carrying our luggage and started asking silly questions to Jesslyn like "where is our bus ticket", just to distract myself from tearing up. Hello, of course I know where's our ticket, Jesslyn. hahahaha... =''''/ I am so thankful for meeting you, Greg. To me, you are more like a father and a friend than just a farmer of a sheep farm. You taught me about the farm and a lot about the enterprise even though I was fairly quiet and didn't often question. As days went by, we teased each other and joked with each other. You called me the cheeky Malaysian girl and showed me your amazing stone skipping technique. I showed you that broccoli can be boiled and that my "vertically challenged" height was capable of shutting that garage door. I liked it when we had to muster sheep on your motorbike and went up and down the hilly country. I liked it when you steered the UTE left and right when I decided to sit at the back of the UTE. I liked it when you said "well done" every time I counted 40 sheep accurately into the pen. And I liked it when you said I have a nice smile. =D And for a long time, I'll probably still be able to remember how you curse "bloody" this and "bloody" that while fixing whatever is "bloody". X)

Scotdales, the gate where we first met and Greg greeted us with a deep low voice and big eyes.
Over the 2 weeks, I've opened my eyes to many things I never imagined myself doing. When I pulled that grain trailer handle and sheep started chasing after us and lined up in a beautiful formation to eat, that moment was for whatever reason, stunningly beautiful. Despite some really bad weather and a lot of sand and dust, I would still go back there if given a choice again. When Terry looked into my eyes and said, "promise me that you'll come back and visit." I couldn't say I will because I am afraid to make an empty promise. The best that I could say was, "you'll see."

Now that I think about it, the reason for me feeling sad to leave was probably because I know that there's probably not too much of a possibility for me to go back. If you ask me if I want to, YES. If you ask me if I would, MAYBE. I NEED a reason to go back.

Smoko room, the place where we have tea and snacks during smoko time. "If there's one thing that you should remember, it's the smoko room." -- Terry Simpson '15.

那种想给承诺却害怕永远无法兑现承诺的感觉,然后想起那双真诚的眼神时,莫名纠结。

离开那个平静的地方,离开那个彩色小鸟成群飞过的天空,离开那个晚上布满闪烁星星的夜空,离开那个挂着上百张鸟照片的Scotdale,回到城市,过我的生活。
虽然说我不见得以后会当large animal vet,也不见得我以后会开个sheep farm,可是我总觉得人多懂一点,多见识一点没有损失。

如果说真的有上辈子的话,那我上辈子大概人很好,这辈子才会遇见这样的好人。

=)


The friendly and accepting family. From left to right, Fiona > Greg > Ben. Thank you so much for everything!

Next time when it rains in Kuala Lumpur, I'll remember to send some to Winjallok. =)

Regards,
Ka Yan

Friday, November 13, 2015

沉淀

从考完试到现在终于有时间呆在房间静静的沉淀,中间隔了差不多一天半的时间。那一天半装载着的包括第一次去这么盛大的21岁生日派对,来宾范围包括黑到不能再黑的黑人、高到就算有肚腩也莫名好看的白人和像我这种安静躲在角落的亚洲人,还有去所谓的欢送会欢送两位不是这么熟悉的朋友。

老实说,如果你问我,我和生日的那位印度同学熟悉吗?我会回答你,不熟。可是想一想,那个在Dookie的晚上,当我自己一个人在黑黑的夜里躺在长椅上看星星时,然后他经过停下来和我聊天时... 那时候,虽然觉得要表达自己还是很难,可是却觉得eh,地球上竟然会有人停下来和我这样无聊的人聊天。不过,我还是觉得,我们不熟。哈哈哈。有时候会想,是我不想和人熟,还是我们真的不熟。

第二,说说今天去的欢送会。老实说,虽然那里每个人我都知道他们的名字,大概某个时候应该也曾经至少说过hi,除了那个高高的angmoh以外。可是,晃来晃去最后我找到了我最舒服的位置:烤炉前。哈哈哈。结果我发现烤鸡翅膀是我的第一直觉,在那很多人围在一起的聚会。哈哈哈!当然除了鸡翅膀以外,还是会有相对比较熟悉的朋友和比较不熟悉的朋友。

其实有时候,有点矛盾,一方面会觉得,这些人我们又不是很熟,干嘛邀请我;另一方面又会觉得,这些我觉得不是很熟的人竟然邀请我,又有点神奇。

其实真的,我们到底熟不熟啊。

Anyway,在房间安静的在浪漫黄灯下看完Inside Out后,突然想这样唠唠叨叨一下,因为发现自己很久没有认真的用华语来表达自己了,怕会慢慢变得尴尬,连看见自己的文字也尴尬。其实真的会有点恐怖,当你发现自己的用词可能会不小心被周围的人影响时。 她们每一句话后面加个“sia”的新加坡slang,有点可怕(所以我启动了小心不要被影响模式)。不是不喜欢她们的方式,只是还是想保持我的方式,因为发现我们的性格不太一样。和May Tze说我怕我会不会变得和她们一样有时候会在背后小小讽刺别人时,May Tze很肯定的说,不会的。因为我是我。Hmm。其实我也这样觉得。我的顽固个性,好像有点非一般,在那个随和的表面下。

其实真的,我只是想打发时间,逃避需要整理的生活。

这几天特别想吃炒粿条,加蛋加辣椒please。哈哈哈哈哈。

家里多了一只新狗狗,长得有点像Money,只是没有那个我很喜欢抚平的皱眉头和那双棕褐色的深邃眼睛。Hou Hou第一次给我看小狗的早上,有个白痴的人一边刷牙一边对着镜子边笑边流泪。原来,有些回忆,可以这么刻骨铭心。郑重介绍,Money的接班人,Hunter。

Hunter,Hou Hou取的名字,不关我的事。XD

我不听话的Money boy... 


开始觉得自己很长气的



Thursday, October 29, 2015

By my side

When you feel so shitty and you try to hide it from everyone then someone sees through your text messages and gives you a call. When you try to pretend like everything's fine but couldn't make yourself say anything. When you hear that familiar voice through the speaker and start laughing while your tears start flowing. When all you need is just someone who stands by your side and not questioning. When you thought you are grown up and strong enough now then you made some really stupid mistakes you can only laugh at yourself. When you know it's a small matter but you can't help yourself feeling so useless.

Then you feel comforted knowing someone out there will always be by your side no matter how imperfect you are. Then you toss and turn on the bed after clearing off your emotions and think rationally again. Then you wake up the next morning feeling refreshed and decide to handle whatever needs handling, rationally.

Because you know someone will be there for you no matter what and that keeps you strong.

Because we are so at ease when in front of each other.
No we are not the same, but we accept our differences.

Kumawo, cingu. heeeeeee... =目


Yan

Friday, October 23, 2015

Last day of 1st year

23/10/2015                    Friday                               Winter-like spring

The end. That's it.
Today marks the last day of class for my first year of DVM. There is nothing dramatic going on inside me, no OMG-it's-finals-I-am-screwed feeling or OMG-i'm-so-happy-it's-over feeling either. Rather, it feels more like ah,-I've-walked-so-far... Looking back, actually I don't even have to look back because those flashbacks of memories pop up into my mind at times without my permission anyway. It feels like yesterday when I would walk out of Wetmore hall and take a deep breath, feeling lucky I made it to Canada. That was my 1st year at U of T and it was 5 years ago.

千里之行始于足下是这样的意思吗。只有开始走才会在回头看时发现已经走了好远,而不是站在原地。是这样的感觉吗?
一种好想给自己一个拥抱然后小声地说...


做得好。





欣 

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Officially 24, O.o!


生日快乐cingu,cingu cingu cingu~~~ -- May Tze!
Happy birthday Nyehhhhh!!! -- Xiao Ying
Happy birthday Yan -- Laine bi

happy birthday Kayan -- John Ong
H|a|p|p|y B|i|r|t|h|d|a|y -- Tony San
Happy birthday yo, not pass yet right -- Zi Xin

etc.

miehehehehehee... Because some people can make me jump up and down so easily. Thank you!

24岁的生日,有新朋友的蛋糕和新朋友+旧朋友+家人的祝福。Simple yet happy. Because I actually made it so far... and I am not alone. No, I didn't have to light a candle myself in a dark room. (Not that I intend to do that at all, even if I'm alone.) XD
Thankful to those who cared, no matter near or far...

=)

Much grateful,

Yan


Monday, September 28, 2015

中秋节快乐

9月28日                                  星期一                                       天气晴/月圆

中秋节快乐!

刚从朋友家回到自己的房间,静下来,有一种回头看,走了好远的欣慰。是啊,我并没有自己一个人过中秋。昨天三更半夜还出去和新朋友提灯笼,而且也不会很不好意思。变了吗。变了。不是变多话了,而是变得不再强迫自己必须要多话了。然后很潇洒的做自己。

不一样的中秋。=]




今天的月亮很圆,默默的希望那个有孩子脾气的妈妈不要再说一些伤人的话。你大概不知道,那些话有多伤人。
给每个需要关心的人。

月饼要有人一起吃才好吃。
今天的月饼很好吃。

和你们一起看看过的电影,然后让新的回忆重叠在旧的回忆上面。Mmm... 回忆它好神奇,它可以瞬间穿梭时空,立刻浮现在眼前...当某一段歌曲响起或某一段情节出现时。

新的交接点,和新的面孔。

=)

晚安,


Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Once a barista, forever a barista

Haven't been seriously homesick since I came to Melbourne, thanks to the 4 years of seasoning at Toronto. Yet, there is this one place that always comes to mind when work piles up and when I wander around the city absent-mindedly.

Tonight, I allow myself to imagine how it would be like if there's a Thirdwave here, a place where I always look forward to, a place where I want to bring the closest people around me to. sigh...

Don't often say I miss you or I miss something, at least not outwardly, but when fei zai bka replied, "we all miss you too.".......   shit. TT
And chew yeng said, "once a barista, forever a barista". How I wish. But I still want to save those animals though...

It started off with latte art, then it was coffee, and now it's more than those, it's the memories, friends and passion.

Photo credit: chee cheng the ppc3. 

It hurts to admit that I don't have the confidence to brew a good cup of coffee anymore.
Because you can't have everything. =]



The human with too many passions,

Ka Yan


Tuesday, September 1, 2015

不是为了永远而珍惜,而是因为无法永远才更珍惜

周末和只是在facebook聊过天的朋友的朋友碰面后,有一种觉悟。为什么都说网络交友和真实生活不一样。大概懂了。 不是说谁不好谁很好,只能说不是所有好的东西放在一起就会很好。言下之意是我很好,那个朋友也很好,可是我当导游他当游客就一点都不好。

套chih seng说的一句话,咖啡加糖加奶就很搭,加胡椒可能就会有点奇怪。换言之就是,我讲完。哈哈哈哈哈…

不过借这次的经验换个教训:与其选择在可以掩饰自己的网络上交朋友还不如实实在在的和在眼前的人多聊几句。或者,安静的走也可以。因为,他们至少不会对你说“你和我想象中的不一样。”==" 请不要随便往我身上贴标签。谢谢。

总是傻傻的Jesslyn和我说,留学生的朋友在毕业后就会各自离开,然后好像就没有了下文,和家乡的朋友不一样。hmm… 是的。可是不就是不可能永远所以才更要珍惜吗。

就像那段在加拿大萌芽的T0401友情,短暂却真实美丽。
永远吗?
好像…
永远不会有永远。





Sunday, August 2, 2015

打回原形

结束和Papa, Mummy和Hou Hou的旅行以后,已经开学一个星期了。从每天晚上一起跑去吃甜品回到每天自己煮饭自己吃,仿佛灰姑娘被打回原形,回到现实。(当然,我不是灰姑娘,不穿玻璃鞋。)

说什么好呢。和家人在一起没有什么轰轰烈烈,可是却很自在。不是不会有摩擦而是摩擦完以后还是在一起。

最最最兴奋的瞬间吗?
就是看到相信是鲸鱼的灰黑色东西的那一刻。那时候吹着大风,淋着雨,却很兴奋。只差没有望远镜。这样看着彩虹随着雨慢慢的逼近,然后看见鲸鱼!那天,很幸运。难得的幸运。=D
checklist: half checked! 下次,希望可以更近距离的看见在大海遨游的鲸鱼。=)

看到吗?左下角那里!鲸鱼就在那里!=D -- Logans Beach Whale Watching Platform 17.7.2015

最最最衰的事情吗?
就是去Halls Gap路上我们的车和袋鼠的相遇。不对,不是相遇,是相撞。真的撞!=.="
这种经验,哈哈哈... 特别啊。 *苦笑*

撞坏的倒后镜和残留的袋鼠印记。抱歉,袋鼠同学。TT

最最最平凡却开心的回忆吗?
就是打包烧鸡在冷风嗖嗖的Brighton Beach吃,然后因为没有汤匙而研发“鸡骨头汤匙”的时候。最后失败跑去买了一杯冰淇淋要了两支汤匙。深藏不露的冰淇凌先生说,“as long as you are happy”。那天是晴天。

爸爸用不是很geng的英语终于找到可以沟通的angmoh。哈哈哈哈!--Brighton Beach '15.

最最最无奈的事吗?
就是听见谁谁谁托买什么跟什么,然后说这里的什么比较便宜,记得要买...
哇。无言。
最后更无奈的是,带你去买了,还跟我说没有让你买。真的,会气死。叫你来旅行,不是来办货。太多牵绊了这些凡人,潇洒的走,不行吗。

最最最不习惯的时候吗?
就是早上送走你们之后回到突然空荡荡的房间。那个只有我家房间大小的房间,到底是怎么住了我们四个人和你们一箱箱的行李,我们好厉害。=D


最最最想念的时候吗?
就是我们在一起的时候,因为不常这样一直在一起。总是你忙你的,我忙我的,他忙他的。

就这样,一起望向同一个未来。-- somewhere near Codrington Windmill Farm, Port Fairy '15.

最最最值得深思的话题吗?
就是Papa问我以后到底想做什么。
句号。
就让我慢慢思考吧,或者说,让它慢慢揭晓吧。

最最最感谢的事吗?
就是Papa大老远的还是帮我把她带来了!^^

nyek nyek nyek nyek...
以为已经忘记了怎么弹琴,可是原来手指的记忆比我的头脑还好。


是时候回到现在咯。=]

*more photos to come*




Tuesday, June 23, 2015

自己一个人的游走

走在冷清的Brighton Beach,除了一些情侣和零零散散的游客以外,布满云层的Brighton Beach对我而言就只是一片无情的沙滩。

没有阳光的沙滩,还是沙滩吗。是。
没有朋友陪吹来的冷风,还是冷风吗。是,更冷。
思绪一度飘回那个冬天的Toronto Island,晃着两个白痴的Ward Island。

That freezing cold winter at Toronto Island...

But it was warm with you and that warm drink you bought me. Cingu ya... 


sigh...

原来不是所有看起来美丽的地方都会自动美丽起来。
向往好一阵子的Brighton Beach,好像永远都温暖充满阳光的沙滩,原来也有冷飕飕阴沉沉的时候。

没有不开心,只是也没有特别开心。
哈哈哈。 就只是一路走走走。再走走走...

假象·真相

假笑·真笑


=]



Tuesday, June 16, 2015

好久没有听到你的声音

16 June '15. Morning. Before exam. 
Status: Last minute cramming for remaining notes. 
*bzzzz* *WhatsApp group message* 
Kiat: Hey. Anyone available? 
Yan: Yes. Me. Here.

And so it ended up with him wanting to test his ethernet cable just to make sure the connection is good. So he called to test for sound quality. Even if we don't usually call each other. 
Kiat: Testing 123...
Yan: I can hear you. 
...
...
...
Kiat: 好久没有听到你的声音了。


*TT* 
Don't say things like that! Especially when I'm so far away. 
因为我也好久没有听到你们的声音了。
The familiar voice from a friend definitely calms my nerves.
=)
Feels good to have someone who recognizes your voice and tells you they haven't heard it for awhile. 

Wish you success with your HPLC testing!!! 

Oh. And the Toronto gang has finally graduated yesterday. That's it. It feels like my final remaining connection with U of T and Toronto will also dissolve with their convocation. So proud of them and so wish that I can be there. Instead, I'm sitting here writing this and not studying for exam. X/ 


And the laptop was singing "live and let die..."  NO!  I'll live but the memories shall live too. In my heart...


Tired,
Yan




Saturday, June 13, 2015

Jump. Then breathe.

When there's so much going on in your mind and the only person you can talk to about it is missing in action... Jump, human jump. Jump till you're out of breath then lie down. Now, breathe.

Everything will be fine.

It's ok to face your own feelings.


It's okay... You'll be fine.


Yan




Wednesday, June 3, 2015

204 在哪里

叫天天不应,叫地地不理。这次真的就是这么一个状况。黄梓鑫!你在哪里!

不过就是想冲个凉,打开玻璃门的瞬间,“碰!” 门坏掉了。TT 我真的有这么粗鲁吗。以为很厉害可以自己修好,结果发现原来看起来很薄的玻璃门其实有点重。好不容易把卡住的门弄了出来,然后叻??? 检查完毕,有东西断了。I see. 然后叻? 终于有点不好意思的叫Lilian过来帮忙试试看能不能装回去。结论是:不能。

就这样,小事一桩。可是却突然想念204,那个马桶盖坏掉了有人修、水溢出来了有人可以救命的屋子。哎。
TT



Wednesday, May 20, 2015

一年

因为要整理行李回家参加表姐的婚礼,昨天翻出
只穿了一次的白色裙子。因为我很无聊,想说会不会穿不下了…所以自己一个人玩起了变装秀。mm…

距离上次穿的时候差不多快一年了…也就是距离毕业快一年了。mm…

一年。从加拿大到马来西亚到澳洲。有什么变了,又有什么没改变?

一年了只穿过一次的白色裙子…
在机场的

Saturday, May 9, 2015

好想出去。哪里都好。

说好的天荒地老呢。又再一次比预算的早起。10.20am…天还没荒地还没老,我就醒了。有一个现实中让我摸不着头脑的人闯进了梦里。搞什么…

在这里,几乎每天上学都会被问同一个问题:你温习了吗?读到哪里了?……同学们,你们烦不烦啊! 无奈。

那天搭火车去那个鸟不生蛋的地方上学,突然有股冲动想就这样一路坐在火车随便到哪里去都好。大家因为考试翘课的翘课、熬夜的熬夜…我却想离开这个城市,回到你们的身边。

我没有过得不好,学校也有朋友。只是醒在空荡荡的房间总觉得有点孤单。

有一天我会背起背包乘坐火车到哪里去都好。如果你们也在,更好。

靠岸●避风港

是时候起身面对现实的

Thursday, April 23, 2015

i am bubbly?! kekekekeke...

Internet helpline mister said I am BUBBLY! CHEERFUL!... what... hahahaha...

syok over an unknown uncle who helped me fixed my internet. Just hope that I don't have to call again. XD

oh! Seven Seeds called me to go and have a chat and trial at their cafe this saturday!!! OH MY GOD! ahahahaha... ahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...XD

Brain overloaded with information right now, time for dinner. Is this even me now? hahaha...

HAHAHAHAHA... siao liao!


stupid,
yan

哈哈哈。冲了个凉,清醒了过后,开始查看Hortus Seven Seeds 到底长什么样子,用的是什么Machine。哇。是个面向海(?)的cafe。哇。我的心突然好像看到喜欢的人一样很紧张,然后嘴角不知不觉开始像白痴一样上扬。哇。我,虽然很紧张,可是突然有股很想在那里上班的毅力。oh mai gad。怎么办怎么办。上课不见我这么兴奋。原来期待+紧张是这样的感觉。XD

神经,手心开始有点冷。
omg!!!!!!!


白痴的

Sunday, April 12, 2015

good morning

醒在星期日的早上,今天是放假的最后一天。窗外是没有阳光的阴天,隔壁是在看笑片的邻居和不停传进耳里的笑声。赖在床上,肚子有点饿却动也不想动。早安,默默的对不会回应的frogfrog dogdog说。
Keep exploring what this world has to offer...

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

自己的选择自己负责

从第一个星期的解剖狗腿到羊头到明天的狗腹,其实心里有一点不平衡。这几个星期内看到的动物尸体绝对超过我过去23年内看过的尸体,昆虫除外。所以,有点不是很兴奋。甚至觉得我快变冷血了… 然后!然后!竟然是Hou Hou的一句话让我突然平衡了。
名句精华也!哈哈…
For the greater good.
Hmmm... 自己的选择自己负责。

时不时会突然很无聊、想找一个人乱七八糟的什么都讲。可是又会觉得好像很对不起那个无辜的灵魂。在距离这里差不多8小时飞行时间的那里,感谢几乎每天不嫌弃我烦的spongey may tze。=D 
今晚连我自己都觉得自己有点烦,只好忍住不打扰任何人和Ang Ang作伴。 只是最后还是失败了,在may tze回复的那一刻。哈哈…

不放弃!

就这样吧。既然逃不了就试着接受然后寻找美好。虽然还是会在Joanne和kok aun叫我回去thirdwave,说thirdwave需要我的时候鼻子酸一下。没有人知道当我看见brewers cup champion的参赛者名单时,多么希望看见Kan Ka Yan。是的,真的就是这么连我自己也吓到的遐想。看见barista泡v60,眼睛不由自主的盯着看…看…看…看到被发现,他还对我笑。神经。听见espresso machine的吱吱声就莫名想念froth milk的感觉。

不可以!

自己的选择自己负责。



继续自闭的自闭的人

Saturday, March 14, 2015

以为习惯一个人

会不会,有一天习惯上了一个人,然后不再需要别人。
今天走在空空的校园,有中午温暖的天气,突然觉得一个人我也很好。
然后一整晚在外面看似很开心的和一班朋友一起过了。

回到家除了空,就是很多很多的想说,和May Tze说,因为,其实我好像有点累。
想不到任何理由不开心,明明就很幸运,明明就觉得自己过得很好。
只是,为什么我要觉得自己过得很好。过得很好不用“觉得”。

May tze说,你的眼睛不会说谎。
是吗。
还好在荧幕背后的文字可以说谎。即使notes已经湿了,手指还是可以打出hahaha。

今天ah ma生日,我却不在那里和大家一起吃饭唱生日歌。事实是,我错过了很多,过去的四年,未来的四年。是的,我们没有办法都拥有,得到一些就会失去一些。


Friday, February 27, 2015

The readings can wait till later... I need to talk.

这几天忙着买东西、认路、迷路、走冤枉路、认识人、避免和人接触、早上睡不醒、晚上莫明低沉... 就这样喜不喜欢都好已经在澳洲五天了。这一次和上一次去加拿大不一样了,真的,要靠自己了。第一天到的时候在机场外面拖着行李和吉他时突然没来由的失魂雨,真的是,莫名其妙。过后,就乖乖买了一把伞。很乖一下... 只是被May Tze讲了一句,买不等于用。*Ouch*

现在就连上网也有限制,因为这里什么东西都很贵,或者说,我资金有限。哈哈。连电费也要节省,终于在昨天鼓起勇气睡觉时把灯关掉,真的是... =.=" 我说,为什么。人在没有路的时候就会灵机一动,于是发现了只要不关完窗帘就会有一点点光了,所以只好放弃与世隔绝,开着窗帘睡。

这几天说好不好,说坏不坏。早上睡迟了然后所有要做的都被延迟,晚上安静得如果没有音乐或谁和我聊天就对着一片黑发恍。不过真的感谢Lilian和Matthew,要不然我真的会不知道从何下手好,去那里买东西,怎样怎样的。差不多都搞定了,除了一些琐碎的事,剩下的就是准备星期一开学。不晓得是不是因为不再是第一次上大学,虽然在乎可是不那么紧张了。虽然听说DVM不容易,看起来也确实不容易,可是,我为什么还这么晃着。心里一直想着做工,可是时间表出来那一刻,就绝望了。是的,it's a big commitment。Hmmm...

有点孤僻,原来我可以出去认识人,不过到头来还是宁愿在人不多的地方安静的做自己。今天晃完学校,排了不少过半小时拿了student card后,想到student center把要下载的戏和东西下载完。结果一踏进去看到满是人,就离开了。事实是其实也还有位子,只是没有一个角落。最后在一个人不多的巷子呆了将近三个小时,只为了用internet。哈哈哈。不过感觉蛮爽的。

这样拍照才发现,后面的楼是Faculty of Engineering...
然后,就想起了在加拿大的那一群Engineers,还有我浑水摸鱼混进engineering building的日子。现在没有免费的Printing了,烦死。

除了这一些negative以外,那天看到实验室里面像巴杀卖肉一样存放着绵羊的Dissection还有各种不知道是什么动物的骨头时,心倒是有那么一点兴奋。这次,是真的接触我一直想像vet会接触的东西了。虽然心情也参杂着那么一点犹豫、害怕。

Argh!!!!!!!!! 
New Identity...
还在努力消化着现况的




Friday, February 13, 2015

Money, Bye bye...

我不会忘记你那双圆圆的棕褐色眼睛,还有那皱起的额头。Money, Bye bye! 谁都没有想到看完医生过后你就这样,安静的睡了。TT 是不是一开始就不要带你去看医生,会比较好。
对不起,没有给你最后的拥抱。

习惯了出门前和你说bye bye money。可是从来没想过在回到家后没有的说hello money是这么不习惯。那个很难打开的小屋里,现在空空的…

Bye bye money...
12.2.2015的下午,时间不明。

这些是每一次拿起相机靠近你,你都闪到很快的结果...

是不是在想,这个ah jie又在无聊了...

就这样静静的陪我一个下午,多好。

忧愁的Money...
那天超级难得让你和我一起出去跑步,然后你喘到半死也不甘愿进屋子的样子。

你在看你最爱的爸爸吧... 

舌头可以再伸出来一点。

以为隔着一堆叶子可以拍点什么艺术照,结果只是这样...
那天无聊在你笼子外面拍了几张。

难得你没有被我的脚步声吵醒...

专属于你的皱额头。
Bye Bye Money...

我们家帅气的Money Boy。

I love you, Money. We all do.

=''''|



Monday, February 2, 2015

Addicted, to our Team.

Never could have imagined myself to be so reluctant to leave my first official work place. I've heard how people complain about working, how they actually dislike their job, how they work for the pay. Yet, I totally fell in love with what I have been doing for the past 4.5 months. Barista. Yes, I can now proudly call myself a barista. I went into Thirdwave knowing close to zero knowledge about coffee and learned so much about coffee. It has been a real fun ride. I have to admit, it was hard saying goodbyes, so I extended 1 week from when I first planned to leave. How I wish I can keep going there everyday, froth that milk and taste those coffees. Really glad that I've met with two new colleagues that I believe can take care of Thirdwave -Ricky and Chee Cheng (LOL, I actually care) T_T. yes I do.

I know what I have to do, or rather, what I need to do. But the heart is still reluctant... Let's just take it slow...

Kaya is glad to be a part of the team.

Meow and Kaya lazing on the couch at our workplace. =P

stupid BKA bullies my honeydew.

Top cup: Ricky frothed milk for the very first time and it was actually quite good! 
So long, Thirdwave. Thanks for having me and accepting me as a part of the great team~!


Signing off,
Kaya

Sunday, January 18, 2015

其实不想走

原本今天是在Thirdwave上班的最后一天。原本...所以也就是说今天不是最后一天。再多一个星期,直到Min比赛完毕为止,直到...真的没有时间了,必须离开为止。

其      实     不     想    走

是真心的喜欢上了每天看见你们、看见熟悉的顾客、看见自己的进步和看见我们越来越靠近的距离。你们这样的保护我,大家不斤斤计较的互相帮忙,怎么办。在我踏进Thirdwave的第一天起,从来没有想象过我们可以变得如此亲密。

From strangers to best friends/colleagues! ^_^

-Lucky  幸运-

除了觉得自己幸运以外,我找不到别的字来安慰我自己不舍的心。庆幸过去四个月能够这么神奇般的充实、有意义。


Days at Thirdwave...

其     实     真    的    不    想    走    吗

又要离开家里出去呆了。澳洲...这个曾经梦想去念书的地方。果然,梦想和现实还是有着一段距离。说不想走吗?我却又已经可以想象到自己一个人晚上在那里的房间享受杯面和电影。矛盾啊。

不   想    走   又    怎    样

前几天David san没来由的寄了一张照片过来。才察觉,哦,离开加拿大将近半年了。那时候不是也不想离开吗,不想走又怎样。现在还不是这样,大家都好好的。=)
The best university mates ever... =D
走吧。