ABCD... 1234...

ABCD...1234... What do you see?

Kindergarten student: "Letters and numbers."
Piano player: "Notes and finger numberings."
Mathematician: "Sequence. [n(n+2)]/2."
University students: "GRADES and MARKS!"

That's what we call different perspectives. It's really a matter of how we view something and how important we take it. The position that we're in, the things that we encounter and experience will all affect ourselves, of our interpretations and decisions. Thus, as a university student, I hereby acknowledge the other possible perspectives and pronounce that learning is not all about grades and mark but the process. Sigh... If only the university and the society realise this.

Okay, enough craps.

WEEK no. 3.5 at Canada.

Life has been good (definition of "good": still surviving). Things have started to settle down and daily routine is well-cycled by now. Class, Breaks, Class, Breaks. Practically, that's the outline of my life here. I am living on campus. So, literally, I don't leave school at all. How lovely is that, like a bird confined to a cage, only there're no metal bars around me. I'm stuck inside here. Whenever there's class, I head to class, when there's no class, I shut myself in the room and listen to musics that play over and over again while I work on my studies. Well, there are times when we venture out too. That's one of my favourite to-do-s here. Get out of the university compound and go somewhere. Sadly, my sense of direction is almost nil, if anything, I'd most likely get lost. XD Though I like going out alone just to take in whatever is happening outside or simply to indulge in loneliness. It feels rather good sometimes to be all by myself, but not all the time, not especially when people around you are in groups and beaming joyously.

Studies are as usual, easy when you understand it and hard when you don't. The idea remains. Proven to hold by ka yan. >< And yes, one more thing about the calculus course that I am currently enrolled in, it requires loads of proving. Sigh... Simply crazy. Sometimes before I manage to grasp the concept, those notes that I copied off the board look like alien codes. Haha... But I'll make some sense out of them somehow. 'Ask' or 'Sit & Think'! More the latter until I really couldn't figure it out, then the former. The typical ka yan style. =)

On the note that winter is approaching, a couple of us have bought ourselves winter clothes. Part of me is anticipating and excited, part of me is not so looking forward to it, part of me wants it to be over soon, because that will mean it's closer to summer holidays, and hence, to the time when I can go home! I want my bed. And ah ma's home-cooked food and soup.

I'll be good. =) I'll miss home though. XP People back there at Malaysia,
"I'll be back!" haha...

Off to a shower and back to work to obtain ABCD... 1234... Sigh!

The sun; the warmth.

Woke up at 9 today, feeling happy because it's a Friday. Yesterday was a bad day; Today shall be a good day. When I pulled open the curtain, something warm shone in. The sun gilded my textbooks and my table. I felt the heat, the skin-piercing ray. Like I am back in Malaysia. How nice the feeling was. =)

Was video calling with my mum, heard my dog barking outside there. His usual loud, sometimes annoying voice. Wah!!! I miss you, Money!!! I wish you will still remember me when I'm back.


I'm learning to fall.

Today will be a better day.

My third Thursday at Canada...

Yes, I am keeping track of time here. How long have I been here, how long is it to the day when I can head back to the only place that I call home. Was reading my chemistry lab manual and my mum came to talk to me. She told me about the complications and troubles in sending the things that I've requested for. We were talking about my garfield. The courier company requires a detailed description of the soft toy. What?! Like I'd hide drugs in it. We were joking, mummy saying they'd probably "operate" my garfield and see if he contains any prohibited materials. In the midst of joking, I told her, perhaps garfield should just stay at home, it's cold over here. Then, that saves all the trouble for my parents. But as I typed that sentence, tears started welling in my eyes. Stupid. I realise now how much I miss home. Things haven't really started to get tough yet, but I am already feeling so burdened. Who says university life is fun? Not when you're away from home.

Today, it rained, heavily. It was awfully cold. I am glad someone's there with me when I was stuck without an umbrella. =) The route to my class was a long one but it didn't in any way stopped me from going. I know, this is not going to be easy, nothing is. I will be tough and steady, that's what my mother asked me to be.
"Okay.", I promised.


Missing home badly tonight.

Kan Ka Yan = Me

It's self reflection time. Having been here at Canada for quite sometime now, I've received the same question for a couple of times from different person: Why are you so quiet?

I've never thought that being quiet is a problem nor do I think that it's weird to be quiet. Perhaps the people around me had always bear with me or it's normal to them. Here, however, is not quite the case. Everyone is sociable and likes to talk, a lot. They'd talk about almost everything, even if you just met them a few seconds ago. They are friendly, undoubtedly. Sometimes, their over friendliness sort of freaks me out. I don't tell a person whom I am not close to about everything, much less a new stranger whom I recognise only a name. No. That's not me. The same question coming from different mouths made me wonder, for a split second, if I am not-right. Then it all comes back to the issue: Who am I?

Sometimes I am noisy, annoying, lame and talkative. That's when I am with people whom I am familiar with, such as family and friends.

Sometimes I am eerily quiet, shy and scared. That's when I am with people whom I am not familiar with, such as new friends and strangers.

But I'd consider myself more an introvert. Not so sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing. Someone told me it's just preference and I think he's right. =)

Ultimately, I am me! I am not anti-social, just not so good in making new friends but I guess friends come along as you walk the road of your life. No matter who you are, there will be someone who is willing to accept you the way you are. Those are who you call a true friend. So, I'll just be myself.

Someone asked me if I'd cried yet up until now. I gave a firm "No". The person seemed to be shock by my answer. Haha! I am myself, impressed. I thought I will. But I haven't. At least not yet. =) Guess we do grow. Despite the unwillingness.

Signing off to a shower. ^^

Day no.6 at Canada

It's been almost a week since the plane I took landed on Pearson Airport, Toronto. I wouldn't say that I have gotten used to the place here, but up until now, I am still alive, that is. The weather is bearable for the moment, it's only really cold when there's wind blowing right at your face. Another thing about Canada, there are lots of different people all over the world that have either migrated here or came over to study. They are if anything, awesome speakers. They talk a lot and get along with people easily. Me? Not so much. I think sometimes, "Silence is gold". So not applicable here at Canada. Anyway, I didn't purposely keep quiet. It's just I don't know what to say. And I think it's nice to be silent and listen instead. Hmmm... Like a sponge, I just listen and take in information. Talk only when I feel like it, or when I need to. So, just keep absorbing, absorbing, absorbing... *Thinking of spongebob squarepants right now*

Today was a tiring day. Walked around the whole campus during "Amazing Race". After that, walked some more to get some necessities with Edmond. It was an extremely long walk, my legs felt like they're tied to heavy weights and my muscles were - if they could make noise- screaming for help. Haha... There were a few moments when I thought of how when I was young, my father would carry me on his back when I'm tired walking. Then it dawned on me, amplifying the fact that I've grown up now and should walk my own path. I'll be good. I promise. =)

Those back at home, take care. I miss you all. ^^

The day before departure.

Tomorrow's the day, the day to leave, the day to embark on a new journey, the day that I've anticipated, the day that I now am apprehensive of. Yes, 2/9/2010 marks an important point in my life, I'll be going abroad to Canada to further my studies. It has always been my dream to study abroad and now it's a dream come true, though not yet a sure thing that I'll graduate with flying colours but at least a start.

With all these about-to-come-s, I know not how to feel. I am for one second excited, next second worried, another second afraid. One minute I'm beaming at the thought of landing my feet on a new land, walking my own path; next minute my tears are rolling down my cheeks with thoughts of leaving home and everything so dear to me running wild in my mind. I am contradicting. No doubt.

I am afraid of the new environment there, I am afraid that I may not be able to cope with my studies, I am afraid of all the lonely nights when I wish I could be home, I am afraid that things won't be the same any more when I'm finally back here, to where I belong.

I am eager to explore the new world there, I am eager to learn more, I am eager to indulge in university life. Yet it seems to me like all the wants are less powerful than all the fears. Heck! I am going to stay positive from now on. Yes. Positive. =)

Thanks to all those that sent their blessings to me, no matter in what forms, be it speech, actions, gifts...... I'll take them all with me and do my very best to make you people proud. Meanwhile, may you all be in good health and great happiness. I'll miss every single one of you here.

Kan Ka Yan is feeling like a dummy. A stupid one who cries over something that is to be happy over. Haha...

Feeling AWESOME now! ^^