Pondering

It's again the time when there are several voices ringing in the head, like those very annoying mosquitoes buzzing around the ears in your sleep. Thus, this calls for a quiet moment in the oven-like room for me to sit down and ponder, for these voices need an outlet before they can be shushed down.

What lies ahead and where to after. With whom or rather, without whom.
Questions. Priorities.

The lady I met in the train, who is originally from Taiping and has migrated to Melbourne for 25 years, told me to consider not coming back to Malaysia, to stay in Melbourne, to go out and meet someone there, to work there, to be more appreciated there.

I understand her good intentions, but still I told her, my family is here, my home is here, the animals here need me more than the animals in Melbourne. In fact, I have to come back here because I am on a bond. Then she gave me that "oh you poor thing" look. And then I wonder...

Is it me being too naive to think about having a grass field for all stray dogs where they can run free.
Is it me being too short-sighted  for not having thought about when to buy a house, when to buy a car.
Is it me being too carefree to still indulge myself in doing things I like to do.
Is it me being too nonchalant about how much I will earn as long as I am doing what I want to do.
Is it me being too content with what I already have.
Is it me being too me.

Then I talked to my aunt over a plate of char kuey teow. She said, it's because I haven't faced the unfairness in a workplace, the politics over our skin colour, like it or not.
She has her point, I guess...
I was lucky with my first job. I met the best bosses anyone could ask for. I met nice colleagues and nice people for that 4.5 months in Thirdwave and they are still now my friends.
During my placements, I met the loveliest farmers ever, and all the friendly doctors. Again, I got lucky.
And truth is, I feel totally blessed for having crossed paths with these people along the way.

Turning 25 is not scary, but the questions people throw at you do make you stop and think now. Because you can no longer laugh it away and pretend like it's still faraway.
But you find comfort in knowing you are not alone. Even though all of us are walking on different routes - the ones who are working, the ones who are still looking for a job and the ones who are still studying - I know that all of us have our own struggles.

When Elaine told me about her plan after her contract ends, when May confided in me about her concerns, when Xiao Ying wondered if she should take the offer from her company, when Chih Seng shared the applications and offers he's got (and I never remembered, oops), I know we are all going through different things.
Different but same.
And I am happy at least we are there for each other, not 24/7, not often physically present, but still there.
And that is all we need. To keep moving on.



The weekend over at Penang -- Recharge station
When May Tze shouted her phone number out loud during Sungha Jung's concert in hope to get the lucky draw CD, I laughed so hard because my friend is freaking AWESOME. But we never got the CD. Hahahaha... Sometimes I wonder how we ended up being so close when we are so different. But I will never want it to go any other way than how we are now. XD

What happens when you refuse to wake up in the morning for hiking.
Artwork by May.
Photo by May. 

Proudly announcing, the kid who is overly pampered by her friends -- Yanbi.



Yesterday was a hot Sunday afternoon.
I probably looked like a takoyaki with messy seaweeds sprinkled on top but I can't help it.
It was a good day, despite the run to get my train ticket. =]
One happy takoyaki.

Oh well.
That's it I guess.
When thinking does not give you an answer, then don't think.



When I see Ah ma again after 5 months and again the realization of fleeting time. If I were to grow old, I want to be as tough as Ah Ma, never complaining and ever so pretty. =']  

=目,

Yan