Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Stars in the dark

Maybe things are never as bad or as scary as imagined.

Going into the 2nd week of placement at Taiping Zoo. Even though it's not a bed of roses, it's not as intimidated as I thought, even if alone. Guess I am kind of lucky because it so happened that there are two other local students doing their internship at the zoo too. Hence, I have two unexpected companies. Better yet, they are two nice and friendly youngsters. Plus the veterinary officer, Dr. R who is funny and sneaky at times.

Yes, getting used to working in a government workplace is not easy. As Dr R said, working with the government will make a lazy person lazier and a hardworking person lazy. Sad truth. I wouldn't say I am a diligent person but when it comes to work, I rather have loads of work to do and complain about being tired than having nothing to do and feel so bored I can go nuts. The first few days during the long "nothing-to-do" hours, it felt like a waste of time. But now, with a slight change of perspective, the do-nothing time is spent reading reference books, touring around the zoo, or just take a break and have a chat. Although I'd still rather have something to do most of the time, coming to accept the way just how things work there makes me feel less imbalanced. Well, if anything, at least I know that this is not the kind of life I'm looking for in the future.

Learning what not to do is also a way of learning.

Initially, when bombarded with the many sarcastic criticisms about the director and his zero zoo management strategy, it didn't feel all that good. First, I haven't really got to know the director in person and it's all words from only one person. Second, I dislike people talking behind the back, more so when it's about somebody's wrongdoings. However, there are solid proofs that I can see with my own eyes, how some enclosures are built, how non-sensible some designs are, and how some animals are treated poorly when it could have been better. I guess it's frustration that Dr. R is trying to express, the frustration of not having the ability to do the right things even if he actually knows exactly what to do. The frustration of having a superior whose ego is so strong he refuses to take advice or admits faults. There are moments when two extreme opposing ideas have crossed my mind, (1) Just give up on the zoo it's hopeless (2) Restructure and get the most out of what the zoo has to offer, albeit with a lot of time and effort. I am thinking, maybe, this is what Dr. R has been going through for the past few years and that explains all the non-satisfaction he has with the zoo. Well, if anything, at least I know what not to do if I ever runs a zoo.

Everything is an experience.

Good or bad, everything in life is an experience and with every exposure to something new, we equip ourselves with a new reference for the future. Well, hopefully.
Good or bad, hang in there and find the tiniest joy in the things that you are stuck doing with at the moment for it will still be a part of your experience, like it or not.

It's a process.

We might not know yet where we will be in the future but the things that we see and experience now will guide us to where we want to be in due time. That's what I believe. I might not have a step-by-step plan laid out ahead of me, but I shall find out soon. Or maybe a plan is just too constricting for a nomad like me.

Little surprises along the way.

The unexpected Christmas break and the unexpected meeting with John reminds me that good things happen when we least expect it to.


You don't mess with me, life.
  Life keeps on unfolding.


Getting better,
Yan

Saturday, December 26, 2015

Merry Christmas

有时不是睡不着,而是不想睡。

今晚和May Tze和John Ong意外的聊了很多比表面更深一点的话题。那些关于未来的,关于想法的,关于内心的…原来要认识一个人真的不只是表面上而已。因为事实是,表面上大家看起来都很好,但也许我们内心深处都有一些疑惑和探索。对自己的疑惑…对自己的探索。

我在想,如何和自己生活一辈子也是一门学问。

今年的圣诞,有白痴的回忆,有没脸见人的回忆,也有难忘的回忆。

谢谢你,May tze。
也谢谢你,John Ong。

Merry Christmas.



Ka Yan



Monday, December 7, 2015

My Days at Winjallok Farm [T&G Simpson]

Date: 23 Nov 2015 - 4 Dec 2015

Venue: Winjallok Farm/ T&G Simpson -- the place where you have to hunt for phone signal out in the mountain.

The blue sky and wide open space... and the awesome sheep formation.
It all started with me feeling a bit intimidated for having to be in a new place with people I have never met before for two weeks due to our placement. The only comfort I could find was that I had a friend with me. Never could I have imagined that I would feel sad when it was time to leave on that sunny hot Friday afternoon.

Jesslyn, the friend that can never be waken by her alarm
and who complains but put up with me keeping the lights on at night. =P 
You gave us both a big hug in Scotdales because you said you will be too shy to hug us back in your house. I pretended like I was busy carrying our luggage and started asking silly questions to Jesslyn like "where is our bus ticket", just to distract myself from tearing up. Hello, of course I know where's our ticket, Jesslyn. hahahaha... =''''/ I am so thankful for meeting you, Greg. To me, you are more like a father and a friend than just a farmer of a sheep farm. You taught me about the farm and a lot about the enterprise even though I was fairly quiet and didn't often question. As days went by, we teased each other and joked with each other. You called me the cheeky Malaysian girl and showed me your amazing stone skipping technique. I showed you that broccoli can be boiled and that my "vertically challenged" height was capable of shutting that garage door. I liked it when we had to muster sheep on your motorbike and went up and down the hilly country. I liked it when you steered the UTE left and right when I decided to sit at the back of the UTE. I liked it when you said "well done" every time I counted 40 sheep accurately into the pen. And I liked it when you said I have a nice smile. =D And for a long time, I'll probably still be able to remember how you curse "bloody" this and "bloody" that while fixing whatever is "bloody". X)

Scotdales, the gate where we first met and Greg greeted us with a deep low voice and big eyes.
Over the 2 weeks, I've opened my eyes to many things I never imagined myself doing. When I pulled that grain trailer handle and sheep started chasing after us and lined up in a beautiful formation to eat, that moment was for whatever reason, stunningly beautiful. Despite some really bad weather and a lot of sand and dust, I would still go back there if given a choice again. When Terry looked into my eyes and said, "promise me that you'll come back and visit." I couldn't say I will because I am afraid to make an empty promise. The best that I could say was, "you'll see."

Now that I think about it, the reason for me feeling sad to leave was probably because I know that there's probably not too much of a possibility for me to go back. If you ask me if I want to, YES. If you ask me if I would, MAYBE. I NEED a reason to go back.

Smoko room, the place where we have tea and snacks during smoko time. "If there's one thing that you should remember, it's the smoko room." -- Terry Simpson '15.

那种想给承诺却害怕永远无法兑现承诺的感觉,然后想起那双真诚的眼神时,莫名纠结。

离开那个平静的地方,离开那个彩色小鸟成群飞过的天空,离开那个晚上布满闪烁星星的夜空,离开那个挂着上百张鸟照片的Scotdale,回到城市,过我的生活。
虽然说我不见得以后会当large animal vet,也不见得我以后会开个sheep farm,可是我总觉得人多懂一点,多见识一点没有损失。

如果说真的有上辈子的话,那我上辈子大概人很好,这辈子才会遇见这样的好人。

=)


The friendly and accepting family. From left to right, Fiona > Greg > Ben. Thank you so much for everything!

Next time when it rains in Kuala Lumpur, I'll remember to send some to Winjallok. =)

Regards,
Ka Yan