Thursday, July 28, 2016

做你会引以为傲的自己

Today I got to lay my hands on fixed brain.
And got to see a fresh brain sitting inside an open skull of a sheep.
It's really interesting how that chunk of wrinkly squishy mass called brain controls an animal or, human for that matter.
Working with a new group of people this semester.
I thought today was a good start.
Sometimes all you need is a little bit more preparation and confidence.
But I still dislike reading out instructions.

Paid to go to a specialist seminar after school today.
Most were practicing vets in tidy, semi-formal wear and for the first time I felt like I seriously need a new jacket, it's shabby.
Woooops.
Refreshment was good.
My networking skills were bad.
The seminar was good, albeit too advanced for a 2nd year student.
Surgery is really interesting, I think.
But I don't know if this will be much sought after in Malaysia, considering I intend to work at home.
The speakers were good.

With the amount of work, it feels like I've been back to school for long.
It's actually only the first week of school.
But I am feeling good. =)

做你会引以为傲的自己。

Yan


Sunday, July 24, 2016

突破

突破需要勇气

一直以来很抗拒,因为觉得戴隐形眼镜是一件很恐怖的事情。
今天,第一次戴,费时差不多一小时,幸好有一位超级有耐心的验光师,才没有把我掐死。实在是太恐怖了。我想,没事我也不会戴。


突破也需要时间准备

现在时间2:16am,明天10:10am的早班机回Melbourne,继续我的旅程。昨天和最够义气的三位中学同学看戏吃饭聊天,才发现好像从2010年起,我们一起聚了多少次,然后他们又和我farewell了多少次,可是我们却还是始终如一,一样会来我家聊废话。开玩笑的尺度越来越大的同时,感觉我们也越来越长大。好幸运我们见证了彼此的成长。

Comrades of more than 10 years. =]
Photo credit: Kiat.

这样一直飞来飞去的生活过了差不多快六年,如果突然不飞了,停留了,感觉会怎样?
I wonder...
还有两年半的时间给我慢慢考虑。
会停留在哪里。
会变成一个怎样的人。


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“喜欢是一种能力,被喜欢是一种天赋”--吴子雲《六弄咖啡馆》

如果说把能力找回来了,却好像把天赋给弄丢了。怎么办。

晚安。

Thursday, July 14, 2016

One lucky kid

I certainly do not think that I am one who leaves deep impression on people, not especially in school, or in class.

But when Dr Aisyatul told me today that one Singaporean client came back and asked for me in the clinic I previously did my placement at, I got really happy on the inside. Despite the fact that he said my name is easy to remember, kaya with an N, I still feel happy for the fact that a client actually remembers me. And to add to that, it flatters me more when Dr Vijay said I left an impression, good job. Nobody knew how happy I was. =)
Ms. Ho, who has always been looking out for me since I worked at Healing rooms, requested for a coffee that I made. So I did. I am thrilled that someone actually wants to try the coffee that I make, despite the fact that I haven't been making coffee for so long.

Went back to Thirdwave, met some new faces and many familiar faces. Min, Daniel, Kok Aun, Boon. The people that I used to work with. You know it when you're welcomed and it feels good.

Being the shortie that I am, I just feel grateful at the fact that I have met nice people along my journey. I am thankful for the people who are able to see me as who I am and accept me with all my imperfections. And for that, I will strive to be a better person and a person who is worthy of love.
And for the someone that I like, I thank you for appearing in my life because at least I know I am still capable of falling for someone. =)

Caffeine makes me high, especially at night.
And I am feeling like one lucky kid.

Signing off, 
Yan

Sunday, July 10, 2016

北京-旅行的意义

这趟的北京之旅又给了我另一种体验。这一次,又学会了什么。

一开始有点不习惯,甚至有点culture shock,对于那不这么友善,笑容好像很贵的北京城。加上是暑假,旅游景点是人挤人,地铁更是人贴人。像我这样的矮冬瓜,感受就是两个字--救命。在菜市场几乎被骗、在天安门被大太阳晒、在圆明园走到脚快断掉... 头几天,真的有点疲惫。

后来去司马台长城时遇见一位好好的的士司机,不但带我们去吃早餐,还付钱请吃。他说,我们能相逢就是一种缘。哇。第一位让我开始对北京有一点好印象的北京人。

The dad and the mum -- 司马台长城'16.

后来在离城市三小时巴士程的爨底下遇见三位年龄介于60左右的aunties,有点小可爱的友善和滔滔不绝。她们告诉我们如何搭公交和去哪里玩。然后在那里我们也遇到一位客栈的婆婆,给我们炒了几道菜,其中包括有点奇怪的炸花椒叶。她用她浓浓的北京口音和我们闲聊了一下。突然觉的,还是小地方的人比较友善。
而且,那天也一直巧遇同样到爨底下玩的一家南非家人。

来不及问名字的南非一家人。--爨底下'16.

再来,酒店的柜台服务员也挺友善。

所以,决定了不能一竹竿打翻整艘船。虽然会有想要骗你的人,会有不太有礼貌的人,但是不代表每个人都这样。只是他们的文化大概就是大剌剌、说话大大声、吐痰大大口在地上、脸上不爱笑而已。这样的接受了以后,反而比较释怀,看看他们的生活。

以前,我会觉得萍水相逢的人认识了一下,然后各走各的,什么以后会来找你,留电话地址的,好像有点假。可是这次却领悟了白居易的一句话,“同是天涯沦落人,相逢何必曾相识”。虽然有些人的出现只是一下子,可是那一下子就让那一段旅程变不一样了。mm。
也许,有时是我太认真。
如果人生是一列火车,那么一路上遇见的人就是火车乘客,有的一开始就在车上,有的只逗留一下,有的会一直陪你走到最后,有的会半途下车... 而你的火车只能一直走、一直走...直到到站。

The Hou -- 一线天,爨底下'16.
旅行的意义到底是什么呢。
不是昭告世界你走过哪里,不是拍几张到此一游照,也不是买一些土产回来派给大家... (虽然还是要拍美丽的照!XD) 而是,体验不一样的文化,发现自己的喜欢和不喜欢,走走看看... 即使不是理想中的轻松旅行。还有,就是花时间和一起旅行的人一同看世界,不管你们是不是看到一样的景色都好,即使会有一点冲突也好。

希望可以继续和喜欢的人一起到想去的地方,做想做的事。

有的人喜好历史,有的人喜好山水,有的人喜好城市,有的人喜好无人问津的野外。不管你喜欢什么,用你自己的方式去看世界。没有人说到北京一定要看毛泽东,也没有规定说到北京一定要爬万里长城。
你的行程,你来决定。
而我,喜欢拍照,不懂历史,讨厌人潮。=P

Because anyone can model. Le dad --什刹海的某某胡同'16.
Our kind of travel, our kind of picture -- 什刹海不知名的胡同'16.

虽然这趟旅程不是轻松的吹凉风看天鹅的healing旅程,却也是另一种旅途体验,也圆了想征服万里长城的梦。=)
登万里长城:checked。


一步一脚印 -- 司马台长城'16.

Till next trip,

Monday, June 27, 2016

Pondering

It's again the time when there are several voices ringing in the head, like those very annoying mosquitoes buzzing around the ears in your sleep. Thus, this calls for a quiet moment in the oven-like room for me to sit down and ponder, for these voices need an outlet before they can be shushed down.

What lies ahead and where to after. With whom or rather, without whom.
Questions. Priorities.

The lady I met in the train, who is originally from Taiping and has migrated to Melbourne for 25 years, told me to consider not coming back to Malaysia, to stay in Melbourne, to go out and meet someone there, to work there, to be more appreciated there.

I understand her good intentions, but still I told her, my family is here, my home is here, the animals here need me more than the animals in Melbourne. In fact, I have to come back here because I am on a bond. Then she gave me that "oh you poor thing" look. And then I wonder...

Is it me being too naive to think about having a grass field for all stray dogs where they can run free.
Is it me being too short-sighted  for not having thought about when to buy a house, when to buy a car.
Is it me being too carefree to still indulge myself in doing things I like to do.
Is it me being too nonchalant about how much I will earn as long as I am doing what I want to do.
Is it me being too content with what I already have.
Is it me being too me.

Then I talked to my aunt over a plate of char kuey teow. She said, it's because I haven't faced the unfairness in a workplace, the politics over our skin colour, like it or not.
She has her point, I guess...
I was lucky with my first job. I met the best bosses anyone could ask for. I met nice colleagues and nice people for that 4.5 months in Thirdwave and they are still now my friends.
During my placements, I met the loveliest farmers ever, and all the friendly doctors. Again, I got lucky.
And truth is, I feel totally blessed for having crossed paths with these people along the way.

Turning 25 is not scary, but the questions people throw at you do make you stop and think now. Because you can no longer laugh it away and pretend like it's still faraway.
But you find comfort in knowing you are not alone. Even though all of us are walking on different routes - the ones who are working, the ones who are still looking for a job and the ones who are still studying - I know that all of us have our own struggles.

When Elaine told me about her plan after her contract ends, when May confided in me about her concerns, when Xiao Ying wondered if she should take the offer from her company, when Chih Seng shared the applications and offers he's got (and I never remembered, oops), I know we are all going through different things.
Different but same.
And I am happy at least we are there for each other, not 24/7, not often physically present, but still there.
And that is all we need. To keep moving on.



The weekend over at Penang -- Recharge station
When May Tze shouted her phone number out loud during Sungha Jung's concert in hope to get the lucky draw CD, I laughed so hard because my friend is freaking AWESOME. But we never got the CD. Hahahaha... Sometimes I wonder how we ended up being so close when we are so different. But I will never want it to go any other way than how we are now. XD

What happens when you refuse to wake up in the morning for hiking.
Artwork by May.
Photo by May. 
Proudly announcing, the kid who is overly pampered by her friends -- Yanbi.



Yesterday was a hot Sunday afternoon.
I probably looked like a takoyaki with messy seaweeds sprinkled on top but I can't help it.
It was a good day, despite the run to get my train ticket. =]
One happy takoyaki.


Oh well.
That's it I guess.
When thinking does not give you an answer, then don't think.



When I see Ah ma again after 5 months and again the realization of fleeting time. If I were to grow old, I want to be as tough as Ah Ma, never complaining and ever so pretty. =']  

=目,
Yan 

Monday, June 13, 2016

终结

突然传来一位好朋友的父亲去世的消息。
可是我们却不能在她身边。只是想象也会痛,那位朋友应该更痛。
我不是个常祈祷的人,可是我默默地和在天上我没见过的uncle说,谢谢你带给了我们这么一位善良的朋友,打从心底善良的朋友。然后,希望她能勇敢的渡过这段伤心的时间。
因为被留下来的人,必须面对失去。


突然觉的,很多我们理所当然的幸福,其实并不那么理所当然。
我们渐渐长大的当儿,父母也渐渐的老去。
我们也不小了,结婚的结婚,生孩子的生孩子,喜不喜欢都好,时间不会为了谁而停住。
所以,有什么想说的,就去说吧。
有谁喜欢的,就去喜欢吧。
因为,也许。哪一天,突然间,那个人就消失了。

给那位善良的朋友,勇气。



Sunday, June 12, 2016

意志力

很想埋怨要记的Virus很多,很想和别人一样说泄气的话,很想说为什么我会把自己卷入这样的情形。可是却觉得连说这些话的权利都没有。
选择要读兽医的是我,坚持要让自己更独立的也是我,决定不要在本地念书的也是我。
那就再多virus,再多parasite,再多什么鬼也跟我吞下去。
因为,不行也要行。

10天。倒数回家的日子,可以睡到天荒地老不用和notes一起睡觉的日子。

Of course, I can. =)



只在那一瞬间,跨出去的那一步。 - Quebec ’13.